Confessions of a Perfectionist

So, Here I am, 26. A daughter, a wife, a mother, and a friend. Still struggling with who I am and what I'm suppose to do with my life. I know who I am to an extent. I know I am a beautiful woman of God. I know who I am in Christ. But who am I? Other than a daughter, a wife, a mother, and a friend? What is it that I'm suppose to contribute to this world? I know my talents and my gifts, but how am I suppose to use them? So many questions, so little answers. I can tell you that at 16 years old, I thought I would be someone important by the age of 25. I thought I'd live in a big fancy house, be wealthy, and probably famous for something. Even if it were just for my smile. I had high expectations for myself, as well as my family. So, as I sit here at 26, writing this blog, do I think that my 16 year old self would be disappointed in where we ended up at 26? I use to. You see, I'm that kind of girl, that kind of christian, that thinks I have to be perfect. I have to look perfect, I have be perfect, I have to talk perfect, I have to be the perfect wife, the perfect daughter, the perfect mother, the perfect christian. Perfection was my enemy. Until just recently I looked perfection in the eye and finally admitted out loud that I'm not perfect and it is ok. When I finally admitted this to myself, God, my family, and everyone else, that's when my life began to make a turn. A change for the better. I no longer feel the constant pressure to be perfect. I know I'm going to make mistakes and I'm going to disappoint people in life, but it will be ok. I will learn and move on. People will forgive me and we'll move on.  All that perfection kept my panties in a bunch anyway.  I feel so less stressed and so much more happy now that I have realized that it's ok to make mistakes, to be flawed. What made me come to this realization? My life. Realizing that I wasn't in that place I exactly wanted to be or had wanted to be at 26 years of age, but then realizing that I was happy. But admitting that I'm not happy with myself. Phew. That was a hard one. Admitting. It's such a hard thing. Being honest with yourself, let alone others, can be the hardest thing to do on your journey to recovery. Any kind of recovery.  Honesty. Here it goes. Step one: admitting your faults to the world, even if just one person ever reads this blog, I'm about to be brutally honest with myself, in this tell all confession. Why? Because I need to. It's therapy. I need to share with you that I'm not perfect and that my life is not perfect, because it will help me to move on and maybe just maybe, it will help you come to some realizations for yourself. So this is the first of many blogs to come, of my confessions as a recovering perfectionist. Hey, we're all recovering from something, right?

Cha...cha...cha.. Changes

   It seems as though I have not used this blog of mine since 2007! A lot has changed in those 4 years and I am in ever need of getting my writing bug out of me, so I thought I would "try" and start this blog thing again. Looks like it didn't work out too well before, so no promises blogger. However, I did use to be quite the savvy blogger on xanga before I was a busy newly married woman & it was very therapeutic for me, so I am going to try and keep this up. :o)

    Well, let me get you caught up to my life in 2011, I've been happily married to the love of my life for 4 years now and we recently, well 11 months ago had our first beautiful  baby girl. Her name is Alexia Grace and she is the cutest blue eyed blond baby ever. She is such a little character and we love her so much. She has changed our lives more than we could have EVER imagined, some of those changes have been difficult and we're STILL trying to adjust to them, but it has has been the best change there could be and worth every moment. There is truly no greater gift in life than being a parent. It brings such joy into my life, every moment of the day.

    Also, since 2007 my husband and I moved to another city, because we were offered the wonderful opportunity to be Youth Pastors at a church. We worked there for 2 1/2 years and now we are exploring new horizons. It was a great experience and we learned so much. We miss the church and the teenagers that we pastored, but God felt it was time for change. Now, we are both currently trying to finish up our degrees and then we plan to go back to ministry school. From there we would like to open our own business & do whatever else it is that God wants us to do. We continue to live our lives for him daily and just try to be the best parents we can be.

    That's about all I can write for today, because as I'm writing this my 11 month old is sitting on our living room  floor tearing all the tissues out of its box and shredding them to pieces. Gotta go!